Midlife is more than just a phase—it’s an opportunity to rediscover yourself, let go of what no longer serves you, and embrace a life filled with purpose and joy.
Today, we explore how women can navigate midlife with clarity and intention, releasing negative emotions and creating space for fulfillment.
From releasing the weight of past regrets to cultivating daily practices that inspire presence, today’s conversation offers valuable insights to help you embrace midlife as a time of growth and excitement.
In this episode, Susan takes us through:
- Releasing blame, shame, and regret to invite joy.
- Setting daily intentions to stay present, instead of following a to-do list.
- Creating morning check-ins to align with how you want to feel.
- Unique practices like somatic movements, journaling, and swimming.
- The power of morning rituals to shape your mindset.
- Understanding how past emotions influence the present.
- Fostering self-awareness and compassion in the moment.
- Tailoring your journey to meet your unique needs and fulfillment.
And so much more!
A transformational mindset coach, mentor, and motivational speaker, Susan Lazar Hart has taught and worked with thousands of creatives around the world helping them to find harmony in the inevitability of change. She brings an authentic joyful energy to her coaching that you can’t help but smile and laugh through life’s challenges when speaking with her!
Susan’s expertise in finding harmony and congruency amidst life’s changes comes from her personal experience of going from a vibrant life as a professional artist and world traveler to suffering from heavy metal poisoning which led her down an immersive path of homeopathy, body awareness, and energetic body healing.
Susan then immersed herself in the intriguing world of quantum physics, delving into the mysteries of archangels, soul guides, and spiritual psychology. She pursued certifications in life and mindset coaching, and through these enriching experiences, she birthed the Congruent Life Method and the Congruent Living Academy.
Her newest book, Breaking Free: Your Unique Path to Fearless Living leads readers on a transformative journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and breaking free from the barriers that hinder us from creating lives we love living. It empowers readers to create lives they genuinely love, helping them as they embark on an incredible journey towards a fearless and authentic life they can wholeheartedly embrace.
As someone who loves and embraces change, Susan finds joy in changing her environment several times a year, traveling between her home in Montreal, Canada, and her nearly 200-year-old farmhouse in Vermont!
Check out this transformational tool kit on breaking the cycles you were born into
And her book: Breaking Free: Your Unique path to fearless living
LISTEN WHILE READING
A: Are you a woman maybe passing through midlife and starting to feel like there's something missing or maybe there's something more that you know that your life should be about? Are you ready to let go of feelings of blame, shame and worry, and regret and move into a life filled with clarity, joy, and fulfillment? One that you wake up to each morning and feel excited about?
I'm here to talk to Susan Lazar Hart this morning about all of these subjects and more about transitioning from our maidenhood to our motherhood to our croneers to this path that we're on as women, and I can't wait to share this conversation with you so stay tuned.
A: Every day, there is a forgetting, and every moment, there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world, to the experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy, and here is where you free your Soma. I'm your host, Aimee Takaya. I'm here to help you move from pain to power, from tension to expansion, and ultimately from fear to love.
A: Good morning, Susan. How are you?
S: I'm absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for having me, Aimee.
A: Yeah, my pleasure. I was reading some of the things that you speak about, that you share about, that you coach on, and I was very inspired and I thought maybe we could start with a very simple yet deep question for you, which is what does it actually mean to be present?
S: I love this question. It's actually a question we can ask ourselves as soon as we wake up every morning: what would I like to do with this day? Not what's my to-do list, but what's my intention with today? Is it to create greater? Is it to get the things done that I know will have me feeling good about myself?
And that's what being present is. It comes back into you. Because we all have those to-do lists. We all have those things. But it's often a reason why people say, take a moment that's quiet as soon as you wake up and get present.
Do a little check-in with your body, with your being, with all your fields, your energetic fields, your mental fields. How would you like to feel today? And if we tap into how we'd like to feel, we can then get present and then ask a question. Well, with doing this, I actually add to my life and living.
So I just started something new, where I was working with a mentor, and she said, just check in with this every day. And so I have a list for myself of what I'm asking to create with today and how that will create with me a year from now. And so I know that by going through this check-in, it actually has me tapping into the future, but being present with how this is gonna have me feeling today because if it doesn't feel great, it's not yours.
You're probably doing it, creating your life for somebody else. Yeah, and so being present is really, really, really, so paramount. Little babies are really present. When we're very little, we're very, very present, and we're told not to be present. Right, we're told to put our toys away when we're finished playing. Well, you never finished playing when you're a little child.
You're told to do things for other people, put your needs, wants and desires aside to please other people, to reflect back to them that they're right about who you are. And so we lose that sense of being present and so we lose a sense of presence, of who we truly be. And so we hide that little joyous, juicy being for many people their whole lifetime. I mean, that's what transformational work is all about.
It's doing the inner work; it's being present. And nobody really asks you, what do you really want? Like, what do you want? And then tell me why you want that. Let's get present. How would that feel? What would that create for you?
For the most part, people put themselves aside and say, I'll get to me later. Let me get this, this and this done for that, that and that. And really, just to take a moment every morning and ask yourself, so what would it take for me to be actually present with everything I'm being and doing today and all the people I come in contact with, what would it take for me to be present?
For some people, it's just stopping for a minute, putting your hand on your heart, taking some breaths. For others, it could be going for a walk in the morning. That's one of my favorites. It allows me to be at one with the world. Whatever that is for you, I urge your listeners to ask yourself, so what would that look like? What could that be?
A: Beautiful, I love the way that you kind of describe many inroads to this way of doing it. Because I think that each person has their own configuration of how, the how that they go about this. Some people, it might be very kinesthetic and walking, physical movement, yoga. I do somatic movements often.
First thing in the morning, laying in bed, I will just arch my back and then really, really slowly relax my back. And I'll do a series of those kind of movements before I get out of bed. And that's a tool that feels really appropriate to me at this point. For someone else, it might be journaling. It might be morning pages. I think you know that practice. I love how you've kind of left it open to the how we go about it could be very unique and individual.
S: Actually, I'll give you a very fast example. One of my daughters is 45 and she works during the day and she has two children and she's made a commitment twice a week to go swimming after work. And so she was just saying how she's in this lane and the super, super swimmers are in that lane. One of the super swimmers said to her, let's do 50, let's do this. And she's like, no, no, no, I can't.
You're too fast. And she goes, come on. And she said, after being with that, after being with these women who are swimming, who are just taking that time for themselves, all different body shapes, all different ages, she felt more present with her. And so then she could go back into her home and be more present with the children, with her partner, with the next day.
A: Yes. And what do you think is so important about like you mentioned mourning, you know? And then many people, I think that's a little bit like, people are becoming more aware of that, over the last 10 years, that like having some kind of mourning ritual, which we all have some kind of mourning ritual.
It's just whether that ritual is like intentional and giving back to us or whether it's like, for me in my 20s, it was like cigarette and coffee. You know what I mean? Like there's, we have a ritual, but how intentional and how nourishing is that ritual? What do you think is so particularly important about mourning?
S: Well, I always say, how you start your day is how your day begins. So if you start your day with all the stories from yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before, you're not only not creating with your future, you're not creating with your present.
And so I think why is it important? It's that's when you enter back into your body from wherever you're drifting around at night for some of us, we wake up at four in the morning, for others, whatever time that is. And it's just being really present and asking, okay, what would nourish this moment for me today? And I love that you mentioned that somatic movement. If you look at animals, that's what they do after sleeping, they do it.
That's why in yoga, we have downward dog, we have cat stretch, we have all of those movements because it is about, we're made out of ball and socket joints. And it's about those wonderful chemicals. When you begin your day in a sense of space, you're then encouraging all those yummy chemicals to also start blending and moving through your body and all the organs and the cells.
When you start your day with wood or kudashita, you're creating an intention of contraction. And then you wonder why your day isn't going very well or why you're bummed out or why you're depressed. It's a gift to you to start your day with a way that, I would say that shines a light on you and who you be and what you're asking to be in the world.
A: Yes, and I think that you're also pointing to some kind of, it's an action, right? It's a doing of something because I have, I don't know who else is listening that may have had this issue. I still have it from time to time, but I used to wake up in the morning just automatically sad. Like I would wake up and the first thing I would feel was like sadness or worry. And when I was younger, there were times in life where I kind of let that consume me, especially if I had the day off, I'd just like lay in bed for hours feeling bad.
And early on I started a pretty dedicated yoga practice and yoga would be the thing going to that class, would it be the thing that would get me out of bed and get me out of my funk. And this morning I woke up and I immediately had some worries. It was like whatever I hadn't processed from like things that I needed to do from yesterday were like swirling around in me when I woke up. But I've gotten to the point that even if that's going on, like I'm present with it, I'm going, oh, I woke up and I'm a little anxious. But I immediately do something. I do my somatic movements.
I take some kind of action that is following that intention that I carry to have a, not just productive, but like productive for my soul kind of day, right? Where I'm going to show up for conversations like this. I'm going to show up for my clients.
I'm going to show up for my son, right? So it's an action that you're also speaking to here. It's not like we think of mindset as maybe being like just in your head, but what you're describing is we're doing something. We're sitting down and writing it out. We're saying words out loud.
It's an action. Did you know that your muscles are holding on to thoughts, memories and feelings? If you have a tight neck or back, you're not just getting old. You're experiencing a buildup of tension from the life you've lived. Most people don't know this, but there is a part of your brain that can reverse and prevent chronic tension.
When you relax your muscles, you not only move better and regulate your nervous system, but you also free yourself from the pain from the grip the past has over your body. So you can live with freedom, confidence and enjoy your life now. How does that sound? Join me, Amy Takaya, and discover what my clients are raving about at YouCanFreeYourSoma.com.
S: It's also, you know, part of what you said is so important. It's about being in the question. So you wake up with a funk. Well, how many people have been taught that for the most part we're all quite empathic? So you could ask, oh, is this mine? Somebody else's or something else? What am I picking up here? Is there something going on in the world? Hello? Totally.
That I might be picking up on. You know, are you, and that's why it's really important to ask, be with that and ask yourself, be compassionate and ask yourself, oh, okay, is this mine? Somebody else is something else. You know, we'll work through that. That's why we have mentors to work through that with.
And then ask yourself, so what would be my best step right now? Because you mentioned also about the depression and it's about changing a habit because the mind loves a story. And so if we have that story, and I too went through many years of just sitting there going, staring at the wall, saying, is this it?
Is this all there is? But really that was an awareness. Now I'm so grateful for those times because that was an awareness. That was the way the universe was saying like, hey, wake up. Your awareness is far greater than what you're trying to box yourself into. You don't belong in this reality.
You never did. So let's shake it up. I love that. Yep. And let's be who you came here to be. It's going to look different than anybody else. Yes. And it's not about saying, OK, every day I have to, whatever that is, meditate, journal, write. It's body, show me what you'd like to do right now. Body, do you want to go for a walk? Body, you want to sit and meditate. Include your body in the energies of what you're asking to create with. Because your body is in you, this infinite being. You are not in your body.
A: Yeah. I think it's asking the question, what do I need right now? Huge, huge important question. Because it's going to change and diversify and be different if we ask that question. Like some days it might be the appropriate thing. It might be the totally self-loving thing, especially if you have space for it, to just let yourself lay in bed a few hours longer, especially if you haven't been sleeping very much, especially if you've had a very busy week.
But that's not going to be the recipe every single day. That's going to be to meet that need that day. That's part of that presence you're talking about, where we're responding to what's actually going on internally inside of us. I love also what you said about the way that collective consciousness or the other people around us or our conditioning from our families and our parents may be affecting our feelings and what we're waking up with.
And that little bit of like, is this mine? I've been thinking about that a lot because I've been learning to regulate my nervous system more around financial stress. And actually, that was the last podcast episode for last season was all about that. Because I think that collectively, especially right now, a lot of people are experiencing stress financially, like as a country in the world.
And we can tap into that consciousness and be stressed out about our financial situation. Or we can ground ourselves in other ways of valuing our life, our self, our mission, what we're up to. And financial is just one piece of that. And so when I start to go, oh, I'm worrying about something financially, is that something that is mine? Or is that something that a lot of people are doing?
Is that something that I watched my mother do while I was growing up? And is that how I want to live my day, is being anxious about my finances? Or what I like to acknowledge, you actually are doing pretty well considering all the things that are going on in the world. You're making ends meet. Like you're making a difference in other ways beyond just whatever number you produce. Like those kind of questions. Yeah.
S: Well, the thing is, it's about also asking for assistance. We're surrounded by assistance. We're surrounded by guides, by archangels, by this universe that's abundant. But we've been taught that that's not real. What's real is stress, blame, shame, regret. And so that when the mind hears blame, shame, regret, it's like, oh, I know what to do. Rather than, so OK, these numbers aren't what I would like.
What would it take for these numbers to shift and change? Would I be willing to have an abundant mindset in everything I be and do? And yes, you hit on it exactly. It's about gratitude. I'm so grateful for this awareness rather than, what the bleep am I going to do?
I'm so grateful that for this awareness, the universe sends you contrast. Or some people say, I have these problems. What if they weren't problems? What if they were unawareness? And that's the only way you're willing to receive it right now, based on the stories your mind is telling you. And what if they're sent for you to leapfrog over into a totally different way of being? Body, mind, soul, financial, relationship in every way.
What could that look like? Because we have a choice. Everybody sees the world through their own lens. So what lens are you choosing to see the world through? And if it's not one that has to do with bringing in joy, then start asking some questions.
A: Lovely. And I think you've spoken to this just a moment before as well, that the function of and the power of suffering and pain to have us redirect and change where we're going. Because so many times we want to turn away from those negative feelings that you mentioned, instead of recognizing that they are a catalyst if we dig deeper, that they are actually asking us to evolve in all kinds of ways. And I love what you said just a moment ago that that may be the only way that your consciousness is ready to receive that message is through suffering or is through discomfort, right?
S: And a great question to play with is, write down whatever that is that you see is problematic. Write it down because once we write something down, not just type it, but write something down, it enters through the body, through the mind, through the chemicals, and then ask yourself, is this really true? And it's like, well, what do you mean Susan? Well, okay, just play with me for a minute. Well, if it wasn't true, what could I be choosing? How could I be creating my business, my life, my relationship?
What would I truly love? Because we, again, the mind loves the story, so we get stuck in the box of this sucks. But if you're willing to play for a minute and say, okay, I've written it all down, all right. Now, if this wasn't true, now write down, I'm so happy and grateful I am, it's six months from now.
I am debt-free, I'm so happy. And it's not like having magic wands, yes, the universe rewards action. But once you have that different story and you start to repeat that story about the possibilities, your mind will shift from an old habit to a new habit. And so it's like, oh, okay, so, all right, I read this morning what I'm so happy and grateful at six months from now, I'm reading it every morning. And it's not a new thing, Bob Proctor, lots of the transformational mindset people from years ago started playing with this one because what you put your mind on is what you create. Energy flows, where your attention goes.
A: Yes, yes. I mean, you have obviously spent a lot of time with these principles because you speak about it so naturally, right? But then you also alluded to many years of just staring at the wall, kind of locked up in your little ball of, your own flavor of suffering. So maybe you can tell us a little bit about your personal transformation process that leads you to where you are now.
S: Thank you so much, I'd love to. I mean, again, how many people can relate to this? I was a little kid, I used to get on my bike and ride around the block and kind of think, is this it?
And then I get off the bike, go upstairs, turn the TV on, turn the TV off, get back on my bike, drive around again, it was like, I know there's something here, I know there's something here, this isn't it. And you go through the educational system, you go through all of that. And I was always told I was too much. And yet not enough, like I was supposed to be put in the mentally challenged high school. And then I was told, then I went through three schools in four years and I was class valedictorian. So I was always told you don't fit in.
And the student body was like, yeah, you do. So it's a push me pull you, that I'm sure a lot of us have gone through where we're looking to fit into a reality that we don't actually enjoy to begin with. And so it's about, I think when I think of those times where I would just stare at the wall and saying, I don't get this at all. Like in my 20s and my 30s, I went back to school, I had four kids under the age of 12, and I went back to school and got my degree, it took me 10 years and I ended up with a BFA. Cause I thought, okay, I know there's more here for me.
I don't know what it is. So I started off in women's studies. And then I was like, well, wait a minute, I'm a painter. And then I switched into painting. And then from there I went on to do my masters. And I still had that push me pull you with the faculty. And they're like, what's wrong with you? And again, I was asked to be the valedictorian for my masters. So you've got to stand in your lane, no matter how hard it is, and what gives you that resource, you do.
Nobody else is going to do it for you. And so there I was a painter, everything was fine. I'm raising my kids, I've got my degrees, I'm in galleries and all of a sudden I create heavy metal poisoning. And I'm back to square one.
Well, if I'm not a painter, if I'm not a print maker, who am I? And all of a sudden I heard myself asking this question, totally ignoring no gratitude for what I had created or for these beautiful children or my partner or the abundance of our life. And I was like, oh my God, where's I am? I've been taught, I bought that I am a something, not an I am. And so I started investigating the body, soul, mind, energetic fields, you name it, I dove into it.
I was so thirsty. And even now I find I call it surfing the waves. Even now those like dark waves come along and I'm like, oh, those actually aren't mine.
They're either here for me to pay attention to and say, okay, what is this? What can I do with it? Can I change it? Is this even mine? Or they're that contrast for me to really take an aerial view of my life and living and see what's working, what isn't working?
And do I require just to rest? Again, this reality is like do, do, do, do, do. But those moments when we just take that time and appreciate who we are, what we came here to be and do and know that we are not alone. I'm often asking my guides, okay, show me a sign. I'm on the right place and I get a little dime showing up. It's like, okay, angels, thank you so much. This morning I said, okay, enough of the dimes. Can I see some feathers? So we'll see what happens. I'll let you know.
A: Awesome, yeah. Wow, yeah, it sounds like it's been really quite the unconventional dance for you in terms of- But we didn't, go ahead.
S: Sorry to interrupt you. I'm so excited about this topic. We didn't come here to be conventional. And that's the exciting thing. That's why I created the congruent living method. And it's about being congruent in everything you be and do. And the method is simply to how am I waking up in the morning? How am I creating my day? Who am I being? And does that match the I am that comes from deep inside? And if it doesn't, let's let it go. Cause this is your one true life.
A: I love that. Yeah, I've always, whenever clients, they will use the word, oh, you know, like after we do somatic work and they're feeling so calm and present and alive and they're like, oh, this must be what it's like to feel normal. And I'm like, no, this is different. This is natural. This is not normal.
Normal is like what, you know, the median of what people are experiencing. And you didn't come here for that. You came here for something extraordinary, right? Yeah, so we don't wanna be normal. We wanna be natural.
We wanna be connected to our true nature, which is kind of what you're talking about here with being versus simply a painter or a mother or any of these labels that we have, that we might put on ourselves that then come with this whole criteria of things to live up to or things to do, right? That long to do list. And what you're speaking to is much more essential. It's being that present embodied self. Yeah, yeah.
S: And again, just take a moment. When you're in blame, shame, fear, regret, it's very easy to be controlled. So it's a great way for a populist to be controlled if they're kept in fear. You know, one of the things that I've learned is that when I am in that anger, fear, shame, blame, regret, I am feeding the energies that are keeping people down. And so that's a choice. And so now I'll say, no, I'm not feeding you. Sorry, not happening.
A: Yeah, yeah. Or even the compassion and kindness, right? That we can generate for ourselves when we're in that funk, right? Is this like beautiful neutralizer, right? Like it's kind of that question of like, how do I hold these uncomfortable feelings? And that's, you know, you're bringing up a really great point that sometimes they're most of the time not really ours.
Like we might have a story around it, but it's some very deep kind of universal pain that like humanity is going through, right? And when we can bring our self-generated love to the conversation, it's this neutralizing and that's part of how we, you know, we change the vibration of everything around us when we address our pain in that way, when we bring in that joy and that love that you're speaking of.
S: You just hit on something so primal, which is we're not taught to be compassionate with ourselves. We're taught to show compassion to others. But that, you know, if you're feeling like, I know for myself I was brought up in a really creative household, but very judgmental.
And argumentative. And having studied actually the compassion key, I realized, oh, that's not mine. And I can talk to that younger self and say, I'm so sorry you were taught to judge. So whenever I find myself judging now, I'll say, hold on, and I just take that moment, put my hand on my heart and just reach out to that younger me and say, I'm so sorry you were taught to judge.
I'm so sorry you were taught to judge. And it opens up my heart. It just changes the energy. And that's all it is. We were taught that. We were taught that judgment had value, that critical thinking has value, that blame has value. Well, that's an old story. Hasn't working for you.
A: Right, right. I think a lot of it, you know, the judging and even critical thinking and all of that, there's a certain suspicious quality to it. Like it's something that we do to protect ourselves and guard ourselves.
And so in a way it's like we could think that we're taught to protect and guard by judging. And, you know, that can be helpful in the sense of like, you know, you don't wanna end up eating something that's poisonous, but there's other ways to tell whether something is poisonous than just judging it. You can interact with it, you can smell it, you can sniff it, right? Like you can, there's other ways of telling that are more about sensing rather than judging.
S: Well, we're not taught as little beings to be aware. What's your awareness? Right, what's your awareness? One of our kids loved bitter and we were forever, he was, we were forever taking him to the hospital as a little, little being. Cause he was always ingesting, going off into the fields ingesting poisonous bitter berries, right? A little bitter because they're poisonous.
But he liked that bitter taste. And so it didn't, it's like, what's your awareness? Well, let's look at the color of things. Let's look at this.
Cause the taste is not gonna be helping you here, right? And so instead of using the word judge, it's what are you aware of? And as little beings were never asked, what are you aware of here? You know, when you go into your parents' room and it's the middle of the night and you say, there's a ghost under the bed.
And that your parents tell you, don't be silly, you know, go back to bed, don't be stupid, don't be, you know, there's no such thing. Well, the fact is little, little beings don't have that veil and they do see entities. And so, you know, how much greater would it be for you to take the child by the hand and say, let's go check, what's your awareness here?
And so that then teaches the child that their voice is being respected, that they do have an awareness and that it's not about blame or shame or ridiculing or judging, it's about acknowledging, oh, well, I might have, I might be clairvoyant. I might, right? Yeah, well. Ghosts over and over.
A: Well, yeah, I think as you said before, we're born this way as these empathetic sponges that just pick up on all kinds of things. And that gets trained out of us, exactly how you're describing. And, you know, that incident with a child and there's something under the bed, I almost feel like what you described, it may have happened literally when you were a kid, but now it happens internally inside of us as adults where there's some part of our awareness going, hey, there's something going on here. I need your attention. This situation feels weird to me, you know?
And then we shut ourselves down. Oh, there's no reason to think that, oh, you're being silly. Oh, don't worry about that, right? Like just ignoring that little voice inside that's saying, oh, something's up here. Like what you described of like, hey, let's go take a look, right? Maybe I should ask a couple more questions, right?
That's beautiful. That's that idea of like being able to like allow ourselves that self-investigation of our own awareness, right? And I think that as you described the scenario, how many of us experienced that as kids? Like you said, of like, oh, I have this awareness and our parents just immediately shut it down, right? Or our school teachers or whoever it might be.
S: And you know what, it's not on the topic, but it kind of is. It's what we have to be really aware of right now, is that a lot of younger beings are getting all their information from a smartphone.
Yeah. And so they're not taught to taste, touch, smell, look, and like even when I walk in the morning, I'll often see parents walking their kids to school and the parents are on a phone. And so it's teaching the child to go to a third party, which is a technical thing to get their awarenesses rather than having a conversation, rather than being present, rather than there's so many rather thans. And I think it's so important as the nurturers that we are, that we take that time, not just for ourselves at the top of the day saying, how would I like to start my day?
But if you have little ones in the house or older ones in the house, a lot of women are in a sandwich generation right now and they're taking care of perhaps elder parents and they've got younger ones, introduce that time of just being present.
A: Yes, I had a conversation recently with someone who said that the most important thing that we can do for our future on this planet as human beings is raise children who are allowed to be outside a lot and be interacting in nature.
And that builds, what kind of what you're speaking of, it builds an awareness that is starting to become less and less in our world because of how much people are relegated to their indoor activities and their phones and their tablets and their screens and prioritizing productivity rather than simply being, which is what nature does, it simply be. You know what I mean? Yes, there's productivity going on in nature, but in a rhythm, in a rhythm pattern, not constant and consistent but rhythmically, right?
S: And nature is our greatest teacher.
A: Yeah, so you mentioned this before, but what is this congruency method that you are talking about? It's a method you've developed, it's kind of on the lines of what we've been talking about, right?
S: Very definitely, I play from a big buffet, right? There's not one thing because we're not one thing. And so being congruent is being in harmony with everything you be and do.
And it's because there's a thread that runs through you. And it's really about sitting down and asking yourself, okay, so what are my values? Again, I'm a big believer in taking that time and write down what are my values? And then ask yourself what you're choosing, is it congruent with your values? Because your values are your foundation and your values could be integrity, humor, curiosity, commitment, honoring your word to yourself.
And so that's your foundation. So anything you choose from there is gonna be congruent with, is that in integrity with what I'm asking to create in the world? is a simple one. And so the congruent living method, it's ongoing living.
It's how are you living your life? And so with that, it's really an awareness of there's nothing here that is meant to throw you. It's how you choose to be with it. Again, going back to when you're little from 0 to 7, generally, we're not taught how to be with ourselves.
We're taught how to be with somebody else, how to please somebody else. So congruent living, it's again, it's living, it shifts, it changes. And it's about, is this congruent? Does this work with what I'm asking to create in the world? And know that your desire for who you be, what you be, and how you be is the only prerequisite to creating a congruent life.
Like, what are you asking to create in the world? And does it, does it match your values? Does it match that foundation that you have? If it doesn't, it's not yours. Like people, you know, how many people fight to make something work? Well, there's no congruency there. Because it has to be, when you're living a congruent life, you're really present with what it is you're asking to create with in the world. Now, again, once again, there, you're going to have those moments where you surf the waves, right?
And I say surf the waves because it's too easy to get tumbled underneath. And so when you have this, this foundation of, okay, this day isn't turning out exactly how I thought. Exactly what I wanted. What can I be grateful for today?
Something little, tap in, turn on to that. And you'll, I bet you you'll notice it actually matches your values. And so that's what congruent living is all about. And one of the things that I encourage my clients to do is to really get present and ask a question.
I have a sticky note here I keep looking at just because you can't see what you're looking for, doesn't mean you can't see what you came here for. And so being congruent is being knowing that you came here for greatness. And it's just asking yourself a question, okay, no judgment. Does this match what I'm asking to create in the world, in my world? And if it doesn't, let it go.
A: Right, I think the bigger picture that you're speaking to tapping into that mission or that bigger statement, and then maybe even just asking because you mentioned this before asking the universe, asking your guides, I don't know exactly how I'm going to get there. I don't know what the pieces are between here and this, but I'm here for this. Right?
S: Yeah, I always, you know, congruent living is living what you love and loving what you live. That's kind of my tag line these days, because it's if you're not in love with your life, you're not being congruent.
So what we do is work with people to take it apart. And what would you really love? What would you love? Not what do I have to do? Let's play. Let's go back to that child and let's play what would you love. And then let's see if we can live what you love.
Because that's the joy. That's what has you waking up in the morning going, all right, let's see what I can create with today. And that's what has you going to bed at night saying, cool for me, I whatever it was, no matter how big or small with gratitude.
A: Yeah, thank you. This is, you know, this conversation I feel like is sparking all kinds of like little bubbles for me, because there's been all these kind of questions in my own world of, you know, like these projects and things that I have going and sometimes I feel like I have energy for it and other times I don't, you know, and as you're speaking, and I'm getting clearer on like, well, what am I here for? And it's like, Oh, you know, I've actually already created so much of what I'm here for. If I look back on like the journey and the path of like how things have gone over the last few years, you know, let's start there.
Let's start with simply acknowledging and noticing, you know, all of the different, you know, magic that has already been bestowed and created, you know, and starting from that place of acknowledging what has already come before and acknowledging it with this gratitude and grace, it's like looking ahead to the things I'm currently creating, they start to appear differently, you know, kind of like that I get to rather than I have to thing, right.
And so I feel like that, you know, this word congruent, the first time I really heard that word was, well, in this context, at least was some years ago, through studying, I don't know if you're familiar with the gene keys and Richard Rudd, right, but he had a talk about concurrency and it was at a time in my life where I felt very incongruent, like it was like my inner reality of like what I wanted from my life and the outer reality that I was experiencing, like there was a massive disparity, right.
And so hearing that, you know, that word and thinking about that idea and these ideas that you're now presenting to me, it's like, when we are living in that way that is very incongruent and someone who's listening to this podcast right now listens to you talk about it, it's almost, it can almost be like painful. Once again, that way that pain drives us forward to like our next evolution to mutate something, because it's like, oh, like you wake up, you have that moment, you're like, I'm actually not congruent.
And how do I get there? How do I find that congruency, you know, again, you know, and so listening to you, I feel like I'm taking like a little journey and maybe other people are too, through all the things that they have, you know, done over the last say, I mean, this I'm thinking back to like pre pandemic, you know, and then the pandemic and what that did to us as a collective for many of us, it pushed us in the direction of more congruency, would you agree? Absolutely.
S: And I would say, it's interesting to be witness to what is occurring now, now that we're four years post pandemic, is that about right? Yeah, almost five. Where people are lost. Because they had that zest, they did the pandemic thing, and they had the zest, and a lot of people started businesses, and a lot of people said, Oh, I can do this. And people went for walks in the forest who never had done that before, whatever it was.
And now they're like, Okay, I was depending on this exterior thing to fix me to do it for me. And that's gotten a bit stale now. And there's a huge movement. You know, when you talk about Richard Rudd, Pam Gregory, that you know, there's a huge movement now for of information out there. I mean, that's why I wrote the book Breaking Free, because it was now was the time.
And I wrote it in chapters so that at the end of each chapter, there's a journaling portion, just to take the time to be with these questions that we're playing with today. Because if you're not willing to be in the question, if you're not willing to ask a question, the information coming in will be someone else's information. If all you're looking for is answers, they're out there.
All everybody's happy to give you an answer. You're the only one that can actually sit with the question of, does this information nurture me? Does it spark? Does it send a spark? I was asking something this morning. I was up since four o'clock this morning. And all of a sudden, I hit on something about angels. And I started listening to this information about angels.
And I'm like, Oh, yeah, that's just what I needed to hear today. So if you ask, you'll find that information. And the information is a springboard. It's not it's not an answer. The reason why you're hearing that information is because you've been asking questions. And then ask, Okay, will this work for me? Interesting. That makes if not now, show me when the time is.
A: Yes, it makes me think that unconsciously, we must be asking certain kinds of questions unconsciously that are leading us to our mindset. Like you said, blame, shame, worry and regret that there are unconscious questions that are we're asking kind of like the Is this all there is kind of question?
And what you're speaking to is starting to be more intentional about the questions that we ask. And so the feedback coming in is is actually in alignment with what we really are, we really are curious about not what we're resigned to, but what we're actually excited and curious and longing for answers to these questions, right?
S: Beautifully said. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we're again, once again, at a very young age, we're indoctrinated to that we have to have an answer. Who did this? Oh, okay, how am I going to answer this?
If I if I say I did it, am I going to get in trouble? I mean, it has nothing to do with anything. Except for someone else's response to you, you're entrained to respond to somebody else's response. Yeah, rather than being present. And that's why I'm being present for so many people. Right now, it's like, Oh, no, I, you know, I got lost in the in the zoom box, right?
During COVID, where I could watch this and learn this and do this and do that. Nobody said anything about me actually stepping out on my own. And actually testing out, it does this work for me. Yeah.
A: Yeah, so you kind of almost think of this phase that we've been in post pandemic has been kind of this experimental process. And right now, right now, we're about to hit five years. What do you think is kind of the next step for people who have been building, you know, their business or building their, you know, awareness sense that, you know, kind of collective trauma.
And then now, as you said, people are becoming a little bit scattered and lost because they don't have that, you know, that massive challenge to respond to to interact with and they're finding they have to kind of step into their own energy about this, right? What do you think is their next step?
S: I would say go out three years from now. What would you love? Okay, you're here now. Go out three years from now. What would you love? And if three years is too much, go out a year from now. What would you love? What does it taste like? Who are you being? What are your friends? What kind of income are you creating? You still have your business? Have you let go of your business? Do you still have your relationship? Have you let go of your relationship? Does it bring you joy?
Right? Does it match your foundation, your values of who you are in the world? You know, there's a lot of people who are really catching on to that there's far more greatness here for us than we are even aware of. And that's a very exciting time where people there's more talking of, you know, Pluto just entered Aquarius and there's this is like, hold on to your hats, babe.
It's going to be an interesting ride. You know, we know what happened with Aquarius in the 60s, right? With revolution, evolution. So be part of that because you are part of that. So I would say go out. How, you know, how is it playing out? Where do you see yourself?
And with gratitude, like we were just talking about for what brought you here right now to this to this podcast, to this discussion, what would I love? Write it out and then ask again, is this really true? Would I really love this? So, you know, I have clients coming to me and I say, what would you love? Well, I love to make a million dollars. Okay, what would that bring you? And then what would that bring you? And then what would that bring you?
Because when people go down into the layers, then all of a sudden they become aware, they start feeling it's no longer the exterior, the month, this is the relationship, I'd love to have a relationship or I'd love to have money, they start feeling what that would bring them. And that's where you want to begin, right? We're heart centered beings. Everything comes from the heart.
So if you're, if you're looking at yourself a year from now and none of it taps in with your heart, ask yourself, okay, what would that create for me? And how would that feel? Right. Really tap into that, how that feels, because we are feeling beings.
A: Right, yes, because that kind of like love and excitement is unstoppable. Right? Yes. Yeah, beautiful. Maybe you can also speak a little bit, you know, with everything we've been talking about, you know, there is a strong focus in, you know, you're sharing and in your work on women, especially women at midlife, you know, what do you think makes this kind of work so imperative for a woman at midlife?
S: Well, I think, you know, I always say, I work with women who wake up in the middle of their lives saying, what? What happened? Like, I thought, what, what, what happened?
And, and we do that many, many times. Like I did that when I realized I'd married a sports fanatic and I was alone all summer with these four kids. I'm like, okay, no, okay, I'm going back to school. And then when I got heavy metal, okay, I'm, let me dig deeper and see what else is possible.
Then I went back to university and got a degree in, in coaching and counseling. And then, okay, that's their view. Now, what else is here for me? And so we have, we are, we are, we're the only creatures on the planet that think everything has to be the same.
It's not true. So I would say what attracted me to, to, are these, generally, when you wake up in the middle of your life and you ask, what else is possible? Okay, now we're talking. Right? It's not, oh, story, story, story, you know, in AA, they say, poor me, poor me, poor me, another.
Right? It's not, it's not that at all. It's about, are you ready for, for a shift in change? And if that excites you, what stories are you holding on to that are holding you back from being you? And let's see if we can shift those together one step at a time. And that's what I love about working with women is, and, and is that when they come to that place, they're eager, they're ready, they're thirsty. I've been there and gone through it and, and continue to go through. As I say, it ain't over until it's over.
And then when it's over, it's not over, you're just a spirit and you choose another body or not. Right? Right. So I come with a wealth of, yeah, I've been there, done that. I know, I know what you're talking about.
And I think that's so important when you're looking for a mentor or coach, for somebody who's, who's, who's not far away from where you are, who's been in the trenches, who's worked through it, and continues because we all continue to work through this amazing journey of life. So let's do it together. Yeah.
A: Yeah. And, you know, I think what you're speaking of is a, the excitement and the, I'm ready to, to take the steps, to take the responsibility to, you know, to, to shift things that I think in midlife, what's so poignant about that is that we've already gone through, you know, in human design or even in astrology, you could say like our victim years, you know, when we're under 30 years old, where it's kind of like life is happening to us.
And there's this kind of wrestling to like, you know, become a person that we go through from like maybe, you know, age 20 when we're out of our, you know, adolescence and teen years into like, you know, turning 30 and finishing our first Saturn return and all of that.
And then there's that period, you know, between like 30 or 40, 45 years old where it's like, okay, now we're doing it. We're doing it without that like sense of being a victim or life is happening to us. We've taken the responsibility. Maybe we've already, you know, started taking on raising children, creating, you know, more people in the world. And so it makes sense to me what you're saying about that eagerness and that willingness to really go for it, right? And also that waking up that midlife question of like, is that this all there is?
Is this what I meant to do with my life? And I think that, you know, there is a unique kind of way that that shows up, especially for women, you know, men have it too. But there's a unique way that that shows up for women that I think, you know, you're really speaking to very well on in this interview.
It's coming through that you went through that process yourself. And that you know what it's like, as you said, to go through the trenches and to come out the other end with a sense of purpose, right?
S: And yeah, and purpose is, you know, we're taught to look for our purpose. Well, the truth is we came here on purpose. So once people are like, what is that?
What? If you start, you breathe on purpose. The first thing that I can encourage people to do is stop looking for a purpose. You are here on purpose. Let's congratulate you. Let's celebrate you. And then what would fill this out for you, this life, this journey we call life?
What would fill it out for you? What else, you know, I've worked with people who have gone back and created a totally different career. All of a sudden, they started in this and they're interested in that. I've worked with people who, after they raised their children, they never left their home again. And so they're, it's baby steps, baby steps. How do you indoctrinate yourself into a culture that is not necessarily opening its arms to meeting new people? Because everybody's at home streaming.
So it's, what step can I take? What step can I take? Well, what are you interested in? Right now's the time. What you were interested in before shifted and changed. People always come up to me all the time. So are you, are you painting again, Susan, with a kind of a pain look on their face of empathy? And I'm like, well, I'm writing books and I have an academy and I'm writing newsletters every, and do videos and, and they're like, oh, but you're not painting because that they've decided that's who you are.
And so I think, I think as humans on this planet, we shift and change all the time. And it's the willingness to actually let people know it's okay. And that's the joy that I have when I work with women who come to me and they're, they're caught up in those stories. And, and so they have no sense of who can I be now.
And then I see them blossom and bloom and, and have a sense of, oh, this is how I create a life that I love. Oh, okay. And it's one baby step at a time. And it's about gratitude and appreciation. And again, it's about being in a community where you're supported and you're not alone.
And that's again, so important. We're not meant to live alone. We're not. Look at flock of geese, a herd of the pride of lions, right? Like, what are we a flock of humans?
I mean, right? We're not meant, we're not meant to live alone. We're meant to share in the joy and the feels. Right. And that's, that's, that's, that's like, we are magic walking.
A: Absolutely. Yes. And I absolutely agree with this idea of purpose being innate. I love that. And I think that you said very well, we look outside of ourselves for that purpose, right? And, and, or we look in other people for that purpose, we think it's something that we, you know, has a certain phrase around it, like painter, yoga teacher, that's my purpose. And, you know, we're artists.
And, and actually the, the creative force or that, that life juice that is, you know, as you said, so beautifully being here on purpose, right, is innate. And so it can take many forms throughout our life. And I absolutely also agree about community being essential and important because that's part of how we grow and evolve and, and understand ourselves is through witnessing other people through sharing and being witnessed ourselves. And I think it's wonderful that you're creating spaces for that. Yeah, tell us a little bit about your academy.
S: That, oh, thank you. That great segue. That's why I created the Congruable Living Academy for people who are actually interested in personal self transformation and willing to deep dive. And we get into those topics and we meet the first Tuesdays of, it could change the Thursdays of every month and we get together and it's an hour of what is it that you're asking for?
And we start with a C with congruent with choice, commit, create, connect, right? We're not taught to connect to our own voice. We're taught to connect to others, formal fear missing out. And so we really get into these topics. And it's absolutely fascinating and wonderful to see the shifts and changes in the supportive community in which you feel safe by asking any question you want to ask.
And at the app, people want to go to the website, SusanLazarHeart.com, they can go to the Congruent Living Academy and would love to have you join us. It's really what they say when two or more are gathered, right? We create and that's what it is. It's a, as the members say, this is our community. I look forward to this every week and I do and they do because we have this connection of doing the inner work and the aha moments and seeing how that plays out for the rest of the week and then come back with your questions and what is it that you would love to create?
What could that look like? It could be personal, it could be spiritual, it could be financial, it could be relationship wise, it all comes back to you. Who are you being and what needs to shift and change in the way that you see yourself in order for you to achieve what you came here to be and do in this lifetime and creating a life of joy?
A: Fantastic. Oh, I love that. Is this kind of like a membership thing where people just can jump in at any time and then is it, you said it's weekly?
S: It's a membership, it's a nine month membership. Oh, nine months, okay, nice container. It's a personal, not to scare people off, but because this is a safe place. Yeah. And so to have somebody just come in and go out, actually wouldn't work and the way that I've created it, we go through each letter of congruent. Oh, for owning your voice and for navigating through the rough times. G for growth. Where do you see the growth now?
We've been together for three months. Where's the growth? What would you like to change and shift?
R has to do with reflection, right? And refilling. How many of us know how to refuel ourselves? And again, ending with a T for trust, something we weren't taught to do. We weren't taught to trust our knowing. We weren't taught to trust in our awareness. We weren't taught to just see how it works out. I always say present over perfect. Give it a shot. Let's see.
A: Yeah, I love it. I'm a long form kind of like healing project person to myself. I have a somatic education program that's six months. And so I absolutely relate to what you're talking about, like having a container that takes people through a journey, right?
You get to see such incredible transformation because when someone values themselves and steps into a space like that and says, I'm doing this and I'm prioritizing this for the next six months, for the next nine months of my life, right? Even just that alone, right? And then all the other things, of course, that they end up doing, that they end up connecting and they end up piecing together.
Like that's the kind of like transformation that I think is, you know, it's a lifelong value. I think that we can do cool things in like six weeks, right? We can do fun stuff. You know, yoga training that's a month and a half, two months long.
Sure, lots of cool stuff can happen. But when you take on a larger chunk of time, like you're speaking to, it's inevitable. The shift is deeper and it's more, you know, more biochemically sound because our bodies need time to process and adjust to new information. It's sometimes it's too much too soon when we do something, you know, that's four weeks long and very intense, you know, we need that slow burn to create long lasting changes in our brain structure.
S: Well, the other thing too is the brain likes constant space repetition. So, you know, when you try something, oh, it didn't work. Okay, did you give it a chance? So part of this demand in the Congruent Living Academy is to, is to honor your word to your saw. So for instance, when people say, oh, I'm going to go to a yoga class twice a week. Well, it's I'm in the second week and I don't really feel like it and blah, blah, blah, blah, you're telling yourself you're leaning into a story, an old story, which is you see, I can't trust you.
You see, you never, you never, you never finish anything. Rather than, I might feel like crap, but I'm putting on my yoga stuff and I'm going to yoga, whatever that is. I'm, you know, I always put my shoes out in the morning and I go for my walk, no matter what, what it looks like, no matter what it takes, because I honor my commitment to me and that the brain goes, oh, okay, this is okay, this feels good. Let's go for those good feeling chemicals, whether it's yoga, whether it's journal writing, whether it's meditation, and you just, you know, sometimes, take it off. Right, take it off on your calendar.
Yeah, I did that. So then you can tell yourself, I'm the kind of person that honors my commitment to me, because nothing, it's like you can't plant a seed in the ground and then turn around tomorrow and say, where's the carrot? Right, it needs nurturing, it needs nourishing, so do we. So that, that commitment to yourself is huge. And then you start to learn, oh, I'm the kind of person that can count on myself. Now what else can I create?
A: Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that description of the carrot and the nurturing and the time that it takes, you know, and the saying yes to ourselves. In so many ways, I think that self-discipline has the capacity to be an incredible self-love practice, as you're describing. And I think that, you know, in our, you know, usual conditioning around discipline, we think of it as something we have to do that we don't want to, which is a completely different thing than what you're speaking to. So it's a different face of discipline, right?
S: Well, again, going back to that little being, you're disciplined for someone else. You get up and you go to school because you have to, unless you're, you have the good fortune of being homeschooled, right? But you're disciplined to please other people. So you become a disciple, discipline, a disciple of other people's needs, wants and desires.
Yeah. And it does take desire to shift from who you were to who you're asking to be. And gratitude for who you were, that brought you to where you are now and what you're asking and who you're asking to be. Because all of those trials and tribulations gave you that inner strength to be here right now. Yeah.
A: I gave you the wisdom there, your foundation of all the things that you've already learned that go into the next step, that are part of that next step, beautifully said. Yeah.
Well, this has been such an amazing conversation. You mentioned your website and the academy. Is it, when's the next round of your nine month in program starting? It's starting in January. Oh, cool. Right on. Yeah. What's the date in January?
S: Hold on two seconds and I'll give it to you. It is getting my calendar up. It would be on the seventh. Nice. It could be the seventh or the ninth. If you, I'm still playing with the energy of those two. So, huh, interesting. Yeah. It'll be on the website and I would say, let's go for the ninth, which is a Thursday.
So, it sounds like it's the cohort that is now in the academy will stay on a Tuesday and the new cohort will stay on a Thursday. And that's the way you play with energy. Yeah. Just like that. Just testing it out. Say, oh, okay. What does that feel like? Checking it out in your body and then saying, oh, okay. This is what it's asking to be. Don't have to ask why. It doesn't matter.
A: Fantastic. Yeah. Where can people find you? You mentioned your website. Are you on social media? What kind of platforms do you use to share?
S: I'm on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. I'm on, yeah, SusanLazarhart.com is my website and you can find all the links and everything over there as well. Yeah.
A: Fantastic. Yeah.
S: The Instagram is SusanLazarhart coaching.
A: Right on. Yeah. Cool.
S: And I have lots and lots and lots and lots on YouTube. So, I've been playing with YouTube with videos for about 10 years. That's fantastic. So, go to SusanLazarheart coaching YouTube and you'll find pretty well any topic you've ever wondered about about you.
A: Love it. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Full of resources here. So, are there any last words of wisdom or prompts that you might have for our audience who've been listening today?
S: I would say be willing to ask a question. Now, do these pants make me look fat is not a question. Be willing to ask a question of just before you go to sleep, even ask, okay, what would I love? I'm not sure. What would I love? And you'll be amazed what you wake up with in the morning. Give your angels work to do. Give your guides work to do.
But I really, it's about being in the question of your life and living, not in a way that has doubt. But I wonder, in wonderment, I wonder what this could create. If I choose this, what would that feel like? Now, yeah, this is thank you so much for this conversation. I feel like we could go on and on and on. I appreciate you so much, Aimee. Thank you so much.
A: Oh, thank you. Yes, it's been lovely chatting with you. And for those of you who are listening today, and you want to learn more, check out Susan's offerings. I'm definitely going to go check out the plethora of YouTube videos that you just mentioned. And yeah, stay tuned.
S: Sorry, you know what? I just realized I have a, it's called Transformation Toolkit. And it's really, it's divided into two parts. And it's a gift. And it has to do with the cycles that we get caught up in. So, the first part is cycle breaker quiz. And the second part is just a five-minute little tool that I give people to break out of those cycles. And it's, you can go to SusanSelfCheck.com.
A: Fantastic.
S: And that, yeah, and it's fun. It's just for you, just for fun to play with and see, well, am I actually living congruently or not? Like, what's going on? And what cycles am I caught up in? So it's kind of fun to play with.
A: Yeah, right on. Yeah, say that again. Say that website again for everyone.
S: SusanSelfCheck.com. Love it.
A: Thank you. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, I will be, yeah, I'll be looking at your YouTube channel. For those of you who are interested in learning more from Susan, reach out on her website. And yeah, we'll chat again soon, Susan. Thank you so much.
S: Thank you so much.
A: Hey there, friends. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. Follow me on Instagram at AimeeTakaya, and send me a DM about this episode. I'd like to thank you for being part of this somatic revolution. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help more people learn about somatics, consider leaving a review or a rating.
And finally, if you'd like to have the experience of relief in your tight hips or back and learn to understand what your body is really saying to you, visit YouCanFreeYourSoma.com. I can't wait to share with you what is truly possible. Bye for now.
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